Party Girl

I am a party girl. There is no specific memory attached to the fact that I love parties, love to give parties and love to go to parties; but it is recognized universally by all who know me. I have given kitten showers, croning ceremonies, birthday dinners while house sitting in fabulous homes, and many, many birthday parties of my own. With themes. And yet this year as my birthday comes and goes I am partaking of a number of small celebrations over the course of the week; no party for me.

This Monday morning I awoke at nine, a late start normally but becoming more common as my marriage to Al lengthens. Al is a late night guy; he cannot force himself into the bedroom before midnight and even then it will be at least an hour before he succumbs to his biorhythms and climbs into bed. In the beginning I matched him hour for hour; then we would easily stay up until two or three. However as I am not good at sleeping late or taking daytime naps I began to dial it back. Now I mostly get into bed by eleven and turn out my light around midnight after reading or watching old Frazier shows; and yep that is the time that Al starts bumping around in the dark, turning on lights, desirous of reading in bed.

We have been married seven years now and I am finally able to sleep through (most of ) his comings and goings but also to sleep until nine if that person going bump in the night is too obnoxious. So this past Monday morning, my birthday day, I slept until nine. Surprisingly because I was in the mountains and Al was in Augusta. I cannot blame my late night on him.

When we are in the mountains together, which is much of the time, I usually stay a day after Al leaves to straighten and clean up. Sometimes I complete a chore, like painting the bathroom. I have to paint when Al is gone because our cabin is pine paneled, which I am realizing almost all men prefer to painted walls of any color. So if I want to paint something I have to do it after he leaves. Not before because you can smell the lingering paint smell for days, which is a dead giveaway. It is what I have learned to do, not because Al really hates painted walls but because he thinks he does. Mostly when we next return to the house he will not notice the paint; if and when he does it will usually be weeks or even months later and how can one seriously take an objection that takes that long to file?

But this past Monday I stayed over to finish washing sheets and towels, cleaning up the kitchen and baths, routine stuff that usually gets done while we are packing up and does not necessitate a whole day. Our plan had been to go home together on Sunday, but this particular Sunday instead of packing up together we were busily buying a house.

Al and I bought our mountain house four years ago. We had looked now and again over the course of three years, more out of wishful thinking than any serious intent to buy a second home. But this particular year was after the markets crashed and I decided I was tired of worrying about stock investments and would rather have my money invested in land. So our visit in June of '09 was with every intention of buying a second home.

In previous years we would get together with a real estate agent, a low key guy who loves Highlands and showing houses, always without pressure to buy. Dan showed us numerous houses each spring or summer, or sometimes spring and summer, and we would at times think we had found THE place. However by the time we returned home, many objections would arise and all interest would be lost. Often Al would love a house and I would hate it or vice verse. And because we had friends who had a lovely home that they generously shared with us we never felt we were overindulging what was becoming a hobby of sorts. But this particular year was different.

The housing market had taken a hit which was good for a first time buyer. I was seriously looking for an investment. And I think we were wearing out our welcome with our friends; it is one thing to extend hospitality when you think your friends are going to join you in your dream it is another when they begin infringing on your dream. So there was a shift in our thinking. And still we were surprised by the instant knowledge that this was our house that morning in June; I getting out of the car and heading up the path, and Al when he saw the pine paneled walls and stone fireplace. We continued looking at the other houses but by close of the day we knew we wanted to make an offer.

In retrospect it was good that we had looked at many houses over the course of years. Our desires were refined but also we knew a good house when we saw it. Many of the homes in a vacation community, particularly in our price range, are old and have been altered over time; most are not aesthetically pleasing. Some don't even make sense; like walking through one bedroom to get to another. But our little cabin, while having been updated over time had not been added onto; in other words the house retained a simplicity original to its construction.

We closed on the house, found a contractor and then waited a year before doing anything major. At that point we added a bedroom and a bath; updated plumbing and electrical, added new appliances, a laundry closet and pantry, and most importantly built a screen porch and wrap around deck. The house functions better for two people and looks like it was meant to be. We love it.

In the three years since we have renovated and refurbished, bringing the yard back from construction destruction, our children have been having babies. Where there were three, there are now ten grandchildren. And where we could have one family at a time stay with us we now have to rent additional houses to have a family gathering of any kind. So this past spring we put our house on the market and began looking at bigger, more accessible homes. Our real estate friend told us in the beginning that there are two kinds of people who buy homes in Highlands, those who buy and sell and leave and those who buy and sell and buy something bigger. Clearly we are the second kind.

In the intervening months Al and I have begun looking again at houses, a dozen or more, and narrowed it down to three that would meet our needs. But every time we return to our little cabin, sit on the deck and watch the sun retire there is no doubt that this is the place we love the most. Within our means that is; because if you have ever been to Highlands NC you know there are some truly exceptional homes on all kinds of magnificent land. We restrict our looking to only those we can reasonably afford. And within those parameters our little cabin is head over heels above the competition.

So after six months of trying to sell, I woke up one day and decided to finish my cabin. Remodel the old bathroom, build in some bunk beds for the children, put new counter tops in the kitchen and a hand rail on the path up from the parking pad. My sister had suggested that maybe I wasn't ready to leave, hadn't finished with this house, and that was why it wasn't speaking to a new owner. That made some sense to me, and my decision to invest more didn't necessarily mean I was going to take it off the market, just that I was going to finish what I had started while waiting to see if I was meant to leave. I made that decision one week, even had my contractor come and look at what I wanted to do, and the next week our neighbors called to tell us they were going to sell their house.

Our neighbors have over an acre of land that is contiguous with our third of an acre. Their house is two bedrooms like ours but has about half again as much square footage. It also has a level driveway. As we get older that is becoming more important. And there is enough property to add the third bedroom we need so desperately. But most importantly it is the land we look out over as we sit sipping wine on our deck on the long summer evenings. It is the place that makes us feel like we are in the woods.

After hanging up from that call and telling my husband, we both instantly recognized that this was it; this was our chance to have the place we wanted in Highlands, the place we were eagerly searching for over the last few months. We immediately called back and told them to exclude us from their real estate contract.

Things have moved swiftly since that call. We have looked at the house with an eye towards living there, different than a social visit. We have had our contractor look at it. We have made an offer and it was accepted. And we have arranged for the financing. All has gone smoothly affirming that this is a good choice, and in a few weeks we will close on this house making it ours.

Several things come to mind as I write this. First our good fortune is the result of someone else's bad fortune. As our neighbors sell and move to a smaller, less desirable place we may find it difficult to remain friends. We have tried to be sensitive to their feelings, and their situation, but for now I cannot imagine that it will turn out any other way and for that I am sorry.

The other thing that comes to mind is that shortly after we moved into our cabin four years ago I discovered a secret garden on their property. It is an old driveway, no longer used, that has mossed over; with our neighbors permission, my grandchildren and I visit it as some point during every stay. Last summer we began calling it the fairy garden. Now it will be part of our property. I cannot wait to claim it, to own it, inasmuch as we can own any land, but most importantly to honor it. I cannot wait to have ceremonies and celebrations there and to have my grandchildren grow up knowing that Gramma's fairy garden is also their special place.

And as for me, the party girl, I am already thinking ahead to the first party.

Reflections on healthcare in the land of the free....

Writing is an ego thing. I have very few friends who aren't either aspiring writers or who wish they were. I don't know if it is a cohort thing; it could be age related or the result of those things that bind us together in the first place. Many of my friends were, or are, in the health care industry and/or have an interest in human psychology, which would lend one to making observations. And to being in your head much of the time. Which I think can easily lead to writing; getting things out of one's head yet keeping them accessible.  I make brilliant observations in the middle of the night or when working in the yard but find that if I don't write them down they are lost; until the next time I make that observation, which may be days or even years later.

So here I am in the place of not having written for over a week with so many passed up opportunities to make brilliant observations that I feel rusty and out of tune again. Nonetheless here I go.

Like many people in this country I am disgusted by our congress; their inability or unwillingness to govern. It is as if they are playing a football game with all that matters is who wins and who loses. If not for referees football would be a brutal game; where in politics are the referees? The rules? This game is about power; who has it, who lost it and how to keep it or get it back. For the last five years our governing body has had little interest in anything except the power. Using their power for the good of the country, for what the majority of the people desire, want or need, has not been in their scope of work.

At issue right now is healthcare. All of us need it but only some of us can afford it. In reading about healthcare reform I was overwhelmed with the history of attempts to develop some system of health care in this country. As early as 1845 citizens organized to pressure the government to develop some system of health care for the indigent and insane. As other countries bowed to the pressure to provide care for its citizens, notably the United Kingdom in 1911, the United States fought against that kind of "socialism".

In The Nation I came across an article titled "This Week in 'Nation' History: Eighty Years of Opposition to Universal and Affordable Healthcare" dated October 5th this year. Here the author, Katrina vander Heugel states that "corporate and conservative opposition to universal coverage has existed since the 1930s, when many supported including national health care insurance in the Social Security Act and Senator Robert F Wagner of New York proposed what we would now call Medicare-for-all. Campaigns to defeat what Nation contributor Leonard Robins called the last great piece of legislation since Roosevelt's New Deal have always involved race baiting and scare tactics."

The history of the fight over some form of national healthcare in this country is mind boggling. If one thinks the push for universal coverage is the sole creation of this 'demon president', Barack Obama, one need only read this article to be disabused of that fact. Or google the history of healthcare reform, or the debate over healthcare reform. It is enough to turn ones stomach.

My journey with healthcare is personal and has informed my politics. My earliest memories of doctors and hospitals are from the age of six as a military dependent. I was frequently sick as a child necessitating numerous trips to the hospital over the course of a decade when, after having my tonsils removed at the age of eleven, I became the model of health. However by that time I was hooked; I loved hospitals and the care I received and those feelings would lead me to become a healthcare professional.

As I look back on those visits, and the treatments and hospitalizations that resulted, I realize that they occurred under socialized medicine. Military healthcare is universal healthcare, conducted on a first come, first seen and as need basis. I rarely saw the same doctor, often in fact was treated in a different hospital due to our many moves, but I never felt a lack of concern or care. When I became an adult and joined the Army Nurse Corps, then became a military wife, I never thought of the care as inferior or wanting. It was all I knew. How can anyone object to that kind of care?

Last week when I mentioned this to a retired navy captain he agreed that the care was basically socialized medicine, he even agreed that it was excellent, what he didn't agree with was the idea that everyone deserved the same level of access to care. " Yes," he said, "You are right. But I don't want everyone having that kind of healthcare." I was so shocked by this response I had no rejoinder. What does one say to someone who thinks they deserve more and better healthcare because of some position they hold in society?

I grew up as an enlisted man's child; the army was segregated by rank and as a result there were many social restrictions we experienced. I saw those restraints from a different perspective when I became an army officer and then married a career army officer. But I never experienced them when receiving or administering healthcare. Administering preferential healthcare was against the oath we all took as medical deliverers. So why does the AMA fight so hard against universal healthcare?

As a nurse I worked both in military and civilian hospitals. In military hospitals care was delivered regardless of rank or position. In civilian hospitals, particularly in the neonatal intensive care units in which I worked, care delivery seemed to be ubiquitous, no matter what the parents could afford. However much of what we were doing with the very sick and immature infants was supplemented by not for profit organizations. The delivery of care, and the level of care, never included discussions about what insurance a patient had. Later as doctor owned hospitals became big business and healthcare costs began to skyrocket, private insurance took charge of delivery; who got it, when and how much. In care conferences the question of what the insurance company would allow became the new standard.

That was my experience when in the 1990s I worked as a child psych nurse in a hospital setting with emotionally disturbed children. Whereas previous to my tenure children were admitted for treatment that lasted as long as six months, with multiple caregivers and in depth family involvement, I saw in-patient treatment dwindle from a month when I began to four days when I quit. At the time I left, the length of patient treatment was dictated totally by insurance companies, not doctors. Supportive modalities such as play therapy, family therapy, art therapy were all eliminated and replaced with drug treatment. The idea that a child was part of a unit, a family, and could only be as healthy as the unit was abandoned in favor of short, inexpensive hospitalizations and follow-up with fifteen minute drug management appointments.

As an aside I cannot help but wonder how many of these children, whose mental health depends solely on drug compliance, are the mentally ill adults we see today walking into the naval yard, post office, theater of your choice with a loaded rifle.

Healthcare did not become less expensive as a result of insurance company managing the delivery; different people got rich. Doctors, who at one time were the wealthiest citizens in any community, are more likely to be members of the upper middle class today. Unless they have managed, as some I know, to build their own private care centers, delivering care that ranges from radiology to day surgery to primary medicine. For instance one physician in this town owns at least five primary care centers, along with a diagnostic center and a surgery center. Medicine as big business.

Another doc friend, who is a diagnostician, talks about how little he gets paid for his skills; all the money is in procedures he says. MRIs, CTs, colonoscopies, etc. You get the idea. So painful has practicing medicine become for those who worked prior to the insurance takeover, that we are seeing some family medicine and internal medicine docs, where procedures are mostly referred out to specialists, abandoning private practice to work for the Veteran's Administration where they are paid a salary. Socialized medicine.

As I think about this I wish the debate would move on to the delivery of healthcare to our citizens and away from overturning Obamacare. As I contemplate the size of this country, and the immense wealth of some of its citizens, I wonder why we continue to have this debate. Providing the means for every person to have healthcare insurance is only the first step; but it is a necessary step in controlling healthcare costs and making it affordable for both  employers to provide insurance and recipients to utilize the healthcare system.

I am not a proponent of big government. But it seems that when the healthcare providers, physicians, insurance companies, pharmaceutical corporations are unable to control costs, unable to limit their greed, it is time for the government to step in and protect its citizens. To me it is one of the reasons to have government; to deal with corruptness and greed and equalize access to power. Access to healthcare is a necessity if one is to become a contributing member of society and not just used up and thrown on the trash heap of history.

Interesting isn't it, how those who object to big government and want to lower costs never talk about the defense budget.